let the stars be your eyes (critical role | allura/kima & zahra)

[fiachairecht]

let the stars be your eyes. critical role, allura/kima & zahra. the probability of a future after the end of the world. 1.2k words, rated t.

If she lives to — however long she lives after these fucking dragons are gone, Kima's never going to understand how the end of the world brought her to the domesticity she had never thought she wanted.

Why she's okay with it though, well, that one's easy. That one's Allie, who's still as beautiful and smart and, yes, infuriating as she was the day Kima first met her. Allie, who's sitting with her on a castle roof, running her fingers absently through Kima's hair with one hand while the other works through the casting to keep Whitestone's shield up.

For everything that the world has lost in the past few months, she's gained this back, and in the small, selfish part of her that Kima tries to keep locked away, she's glad. Glad that after fifteen years of nothing more than brief visits and official meetings, this thing between them was so simple to pick up again, like it had only ever been paused, waiting for time and distance to bring them back to a place where love could mean relationship again.

The winter wind picks up, chilling the air that's already cold this high up, and Kima shifts in Allura's lap, tugging Allie's cloak tighter around them.

"Allie."

Up above Kima's head Allura mumbles something unintelligible.

"Allie," she sing-songs softly, like she used to to tease her when they were younger. Even in the dim moonlight she can see Allura's eyes are closed, though the sparks of arcane energy swirling around her fingertips give lie to any notion of sleep.

Allura opens her eyes. "What?"

Kima almost doesn't want to say anything at all, doesn't want to disturb the perfect image of Allie smiling down at her, eyes alight with love and the energy from her casting in equal measure. "Not falling asleep on me yet, are you?" she says instead, just to hear Allura's voice.

"Never," Allura says, leaning down to plant a brief but thorough — if mostly upside-down — kiss on her lips. Kima hums happily, tangling her fingers in the end of Allie's braid and tugging lightly.

Allura gasps, and, no, Kima is never going to get tired of hearing her sound like that. Of knowing that no one else gets to hear her Allie like that. "Not fair," Allura whispers. "I have another two hours of casting."

"I know," Kima says, reaching up to trace the curve of Allura's lips. "I'm helping."

"You know, and you're terrible," Allura says fondly, but she bends willingly enough with the pull of Kima's fingers in her braid to kiss her again.

"Interrupting something, am I?" a faintly amused voice asks from the shadows by the castle door. Allura jerks her head up, and Kima's hand flies out to the side, fingers closing instinctively over her maul a second before the voice clicks in her mind.

"Zahra," she says as the woman steps forward, and she feels Allura's body relax under hers.

"Hello, darlings." Kima can see the mugs in her hands when she gets closer. "Pike refused to let me back in to the library when I got back from the kitchens, so I thought I might bring you tea as well."

Allura reaches up to take the mugs and pass one to Kima while Zahra leans against the wall, smiling down at them. Kima has to fight the urge to squirm off Allura's lap. This thing between her and Allie isn't new, but being casually intimate in front of people they haven't known for years is, and she's sure Allura's face must be bright red where it's hidden behind her mug. "Thank you, Zahra," Kima says, and at least her voice is steady.

"Oh, it's the least I can do," Zahra sighs. She tips her head back, and Kima watches the moonlight catch in her eyes. She wonders, not for the first time, what sort of strength Zahra draws from something so far away.

Steam curls around her face as she sips at the tea — not as strong as she would make it, but warm and welcome — and it mingles with the brush of Allura's hand against her cheek. She turns slightly to face her, reads the question in Allura's eyes and smiles her answer.

"Zahra," Allura reaches out with her free hand, not quite touching the edge of Zahra's sleeve. "Zahra, you're welcome to sit with us for a while."

"Hm?" Zahra looks down as if only just remembering where she was. "Oh, no, you're very kind darling, but you two deserve —"

"Please stay," Kima says. "Otherwise you're going to go make Kash miserable, and he's going to do that wounded brother thing at me when we train tomorrow, and it's gonna suck."

Zahra smiles, one of the first genuine smiles Kima's seen from her since they stumbled out of the sunken tomb. "Well, with motivation like that..." She slides down the wall next to them, and Kima rearranges herself in Allura's lap so her feet are safely out of the way of Zahra's tail. "I think you're wearing rather more of Allura's cloak than she is." 

Kima responds maturely, which is to say she sticks her tongue out and steals a good portion of Zahra's cloak as well (there are, after all, occasional advantages to being a halfling).

"Vex doesn't steal your covers when you camp?" Allura asks. Kima pictures her eyebrow arched in disbelief and smirks into her mug.

"Oh, she does," Zahra murmurs, head drifting down to rest on Allura's shoulder. She seems to have decided that if the two of them are going to keep her on the roof among their pile of blankets she may as well make the best of it, and the undercurrent of sadness in her voice breaks Kima's heart. "She does, and I always..."

She trails off, and Kima reaches out to take her hand, feeling the hellfire-warmth of Zahra's skin seep into her skin. "She'll come back," Kima says, like Cassandra's been saying about Percy, like Kash has been saying about Keyleth, like if they all say it enough it will be true just by sheer force of want. "Allie and I came back to each other. And Vox Machina always ..." And then it's her turn to stop talking, because last time Vex came back she had to come back from death.

And after that ... well, there's only so many times you can come back from that, isn't there? Kima's not sure she can bear to watch anyone else she loves go through that again.

Kima feels Allie's hand join hers on top of Zahra's. "I'm sorry I brought it up," Allura says, "but they will come back. They're too stubborn not to." There's steel in her voice, the same steel Kima fell in love with, and it makes her words easier to believe.

"It's all right, darling," Zahra says. "I can't deny it's nice to hear reassurances from someone other than Kash once in a while."

They all laugh at that, and Kima tightens her grip on Zahra's hand even as she tucks her head closer under Allie's chin. Zahra's mere presence seems to have warmed the night, and she can hear Allie's heartbeat in her chest, feel Zahra's pulse flutter in her wrist. Don't you die either, she thinks fiercely. You have to be here making cool arrows for her to come back to, Zahra. And you have to be with me so we can scatter pieces of that red bastard across all the planes for good this time, Allie.

But she can't say that yet, any more than she can slam her maul into Thordak's stupid face tomorrow.

So she just holds on. For all that it doesn't feel like enough, it is more than nothing.