sail away from the darkest night (star wars | amilyn/leia)

[fiachairecht]

sail away from the darkest night. star wars sequels, amilyn/leia. the one where leia uses the force to remotely pilot the raddus so amilyn doesn’t have to stay behind. 1.8k words, rated t.

Amilyn looks as if she's already falling when she waits for Leia to release her on the transport bay floor.

One of Leia's most vivid memories of Amilyn — and all of her memories of Amilyn are vivid, she thinks sometimes, how could they be anything else when Amilyn herself is so solid and bright and here — is of her falling, a blue and silver blur drifting impossibly quickly down to the padded skyfaring room floor. Leia hadn't been fast enough to catch her then, had barely had enough control to safely unwind herself from the scarves and climb down to hold Amilyn's hand.

She doesn't remember that descent. What she does remember is kneeling next to Amilyn, grasping her hand so tightly she could feel all the tiny bones shifting, and only starting to breathe again once Amilyn started to laugh.

Now, as Amilyn grips her hand and holds on for longer than either of them ever have in public, all Leia can think is: not this time.

"No more losses," she says, before Amilyn can fall any further. "Come with us, I couldn't bear it if you —"

If you stayed. Leia knows Amilyn's plan, of course. They came up with it together, one of their late-night worst case scenarios that they never truly believed would be necessary but that had to be planned for.

"They'll find us on the ground," Amilyn says, worry creasing her brow. Heedless of the number of eyes still on them, Leia reaches up to smooth the frown away, lets her cane fall to the floor. She doesn't need it when she has Amilyn to hold onto.

"They won't."

She doesn't have to say, trust me.

She always has Amilyn's trust and more, even when she doesn't deserve it.

Still Leia clings, fearful that if she lets go — if she loosens her hold even slightly — she'll have to turn, and board the transport, and watch as Amilyn stood, regal and shining and alone on the floor as it fell away.

She would be beautiful, a shooting star so far into the void that the First Order would have to follow, and Leia has never wanted anything less.

It feels like an eternity they don't have (but then, time always did move strangely around Amilyn, didn't it?) before Amilyn smiles. "Okay."

Just like that? Leia wants to ask. But she doesn't, because: it's Amilyn. Amilyn, and her talent for finding all the sharp edges Leia's mind is caught on and untangling them with such deft soft hands that Leia hardly realises what's happened until she's simply free.

There isn't time for everything she wants to say, there never is anymore, but if anyone sees her lift their clasped hands and brush a kiss across Amilyn's knuckles, they know better than to say anything.

*

The first transport explodes before they're halfway to Crait, and the shockwaves send Leia tumbling into Amilyn's lap.

So they failed, she thinks, and hardly even notices the new cold stone slotting into space under her heart as Amilyn's arms wrap around her. So this is what the end of all things looks like. Again.

"General," Connix says, voice tight with fear and no little shame. "Do we turn back?"

They're far from the range of the Raddus' shields, too far to get behind them soon enough to do any good.

"No," Leia says, sitting up as straight as she can with Amilyn's arms still around her. "Keep on for the planet, dodge what you can. We're small enough that ..."

She trails off, realising she has none of Connix's attention anymore. Children all of them, and still they hardly need her. It feels ... draining, even moreso than the vacuum of space, and she's not sure how even the force is supposed to pull her back from this.

Leia swallows hard and leans back against Amilyn's comforting warmth. "I'm glad you're here, at least," she says. She has no doubt Amilyn knows, but it feels right to say it anyway.

Amilyn doesn't say anything, just holds on a little tighter, and for the first time in longer than she can remember, Leia has no idea what she's thinking. She could look up, of course, search those luminous blue eyes for a hint, but if she did she would have to acknowledge that there was something outside this moment.

She will survive to bear the losses of the transports, of her people, or maybe she won't, but first she will breathe.

"You were going to jump the Raddus from here. With the force." When Amilyn speaks, it isn't a question. Leia thinks about denying it, thinks about saying I didn't know if it would work, or maybe no, I just wanted you with me.

But it's Amilyn, and Amilyn knows already, so instead she says, "It doesn't matter now. They know the ship's empty, they won't follow."

Amilyn cups her cheek, tilts Leia's face up until she has no choice but to meet her gaze. Barely visible under the sadness is a spark of her old mischief, and only thirty years of becoming absolutely fluent in every one of Amilyn's microexpressions keeps Leia from being utterly surprised when the next thing out of Amilyn's mouth is, "Have you ever wondered what happens if another ship is right in the path of the hyperspace jump you plot?"

Leia hasn't, not beyond the obvious something bad, but just as obviously ... "You have."

Amilyn smiles. "I have some ideas. It's one of the few thrilling unknowns left, you know, no one quite knows how hyperspace interacts with the force, and when—"

"You want me to jump the Raddus through Snoke's ship," Leia interrupts, before Amilyn can get any further into metaphysics or philosophy. Being fluent in Amilyn means not only being able to predict where she'll end up four or five thoughts in the future but also knowing when she can't be afforded the time to explain them all.

Amilyn just beams at her with such pure adoration that Leia can't help but kiss her, soft and sweet and far too short.

"I've heard worse ideas," Leia admits. "Some of them even from you."

Another explosion rocks the transport, and Leia closes her eyes.

"You have to do it now," Amilyn urges her gently. "If you're going to try."

Amilyn always manages to find words for her, even when she wouldn't use them for herself, and in her gratitude, in Amilyn's arms, Leia lets herself fall into the force.

It is nothing like the void of space, nothing, even like the undefinable other that Luke tried to help her reach during his early attempts at training her in some of the Jedi arts. But it responds to her, a welcome home as sure as Amilyn's arms, and Leia smiles as she tries to orient herself.

"What do you see?" Amilyn asks softly, fingers light at the base of Leia's neck. Leia knows she won't undo her braids here, not around so many people, not when she doesn't have the time to run her fingers from the crown of Leia's head down to the very tips of her hair to lull her into a true meditation. But the faint pressure is there, and comforting, and Leia tries to relax and let it guide her.

"Lights." Leia turns just enough to bury her head in Amilyn's chest, takes a moment to breathe deep and let the scent of fuel and dust wash over her. "So many lights."

"Good," Amilyn murmurs, rubbing tiny circles into Leia's skin with her thumb. "That's good, darling. Find the brightest one."

Leia laughs. "'S you," she says, even though she knows what Amilyn means, even as she feels her way through the constellations, to the life-not-life that is the Raddus. "The brightest one's always you."

She feels Amilyn smile into the top of her head, feels the smile shift into the press of a kiss. Feels Amilyn's warmth just as present in the Force as it is around her body.

She hadn't realised just how much her flagship had become another home until she feels it, too, envelop her. I'm sorry, old friend, Leia thinks as energy starts to gather around her. Dimly, she can hear Amilyn gasp as static jumps from Leia's hair to her hand, hear someone else start to say something about the ships—

But space slips easy around her, and she is weightless and full of life and as the Raddus starts to turn there is nothing that could deny her.

She remembers the bridge, the awful tearing scream that she had thought for a moment had ripped through her own body as well as the hull. She remembers her son, not close enough to touch and hardly close enough to hurt.

She feels Ben still, as the Raddus completes its turn and faces only the emptiness of the Supremacy.

Not him, she thinks, not — if there's another way.

She doesn't expect an answer, not really, but something shivers around her, a sort of solemn certainty, and she thinks that something in the black has understood.

Amilyn squeezes her hand reassuringly, and with a final breath that is not quite a plea and not quite an order, Leia lets go, and falls once more.

*

Leia opens her eyes to Amilyn, as she has so many mornings. Leia opens her eyes to Amilyn crying, which is less usual, but not wholly unfamiliar. She reaches up with a tentative hand, brushes the tears away and finds, almost to her surprise, that Amilyn is solid.

"You're real," she says, and Amilyn laughs through her tears, her thin body shaking with the effort of holding so many emotions.

"You're back," she says rapturously. "Oh, Leia, it's been days, everyone else was starting to think ..."

Amilyn shakes her head, pulls back just enough that Leia can see the familiar walls of Han's floating heap of junk around her. Even through her disorientation, she can tell it looks better after some time in Rey's care. "Doctor Kalonia will want to come check—"

"Amilyn." Leia grabs her hand, tugs her back close and kisses the rest of the words away. "I'm fine." Stay.

Amilyn frowns like she's about to argue, but Leia just looks at her, not quite a plea and not quite an order, and they both know Amilyn is powerless under that look.

"Well, then," Amilyn says tremulously, pulling Leia fully into her arms, "I suppose if you're fine I can catch you up on all you've missed since we got off Crait."

There will be reports soon enough, Leia thinks as Amilyn continues to speak. For now, she is content to close her eyes, rest against Amilyn safe in the knowledge that they're not in immediate danger of being blown out of the sky, and let Amilyn's voice carry her back into sleep.