where virtues lived on ice (critical role | keyleth/kash, kash/vesh, kash & zahra)

[fiachairecht]

where virtues lived on ice. critical role, keyleth/kash, kash/vesh, kash & zahra. the resurrection in the sunken tomb, ft. sacrifice and inevitability. 2.8k words, rated t.

Kashaw Vesh does not talk to his god.

He doesn't tell many people this — most of those he heals are too thankful they're not dead to care enough to ask the particulars of his relationship with his deity, and those who do ask generally stop wanting an answer when he shows them his scars.

But something about Keyleth makes him want to tell her. She's the most irritating person he's ever met but she talks about inevitability like she would understand why and how Vesh was locked away and, gods help him, he's interested.

Of course, this means Vesh is interested too, amused and ever-present in the worst parts of him that were never entirely burned away after their marriage, so he kisses Keyleth and walks away before Vesh can think too closely about the violence of her love.

But he's told Keyleth more about his wife than he's told anyone else, even Zahra, and he can't shake the vision of her looking up at him through Minxie's gaze, affection in her eyes and a rakshasa heart in her mouth. It's almost unbelievable, Kash thinks, that she can be light, so easily, and he can't even ask her how.

Which is exactly why that's his problem to deal with.

*

Vox Machina comes to find him after the world goes to shit, of course. Part of him wants to be surprised — four fucking dragons, what in any of the hells — but it makes perfect sense. If anyone was going to be responsible for the arrival of four fucking dragons, it would be them. And if anyone was going to get dragged into their crusade against all good judgement — yeah, it would be him and Zahra.

Godsdamnit.

It's nice to see Z smile more around Vex, though.

Kash still hesitates when Vex falls in the tomb. He knows she's dead before her body hits the floor, can feel it in the surge of Vesh's energy that pulses through his veins, warming the scars with delight.

Godsdamnit.

But Z's on the floor cradling Vex and looking like she's just lost half her world, and Keyleth's hand is in his, and Vax looks like he's going to send Kash's soul to be lost with Vex's if he doesn't do something right the fuck now and—

— and there isn't, really, a choice.

He is Her light.

Vesh's symbol is so cold in Kash's hand that it burns as he kneels on stone that seems warm by comparison. He scatters diamonds across Vex's chest and tightens his grip on his symbol, feeling the knife edges of it dig into his skin, scars over scars like the vision of the outer planes layering itself over the scene in front of him.

"Z," he says, and his voice is rough as he reaches out, feeling for a path to Vex that doesn't go near his wife. "Z, I need you guys to help with this. Vex needs you."

"I know," she says, moonlight tears spilling from her eyes and she reaches for her staff with her free hand. "Vex, Vex, darling, can you hear me?" She bends down to kiss her forehead, hair tumbling down over both their faces, and Kash tries very hard not to listen to words clearly not meant for anyone else, focuses instead on the gathering power of Zahra's patron lightening Vesh's deep black smoke.

There's a figure taking shape on the alter, tall and willowy, and the ritual falters as he remembers his first glimpse of Vesh on their wedding night.

"No." Vax, sounding more broken and more self-assured than Kash has ever heard him. "Take me instead, you raven bitch."

The figure moves forward as Vax takes his sister's free hand. Zahra's speaking louder now, something that's half-prayer half-sob, and with her voice anchoring him he can see that the figure isn't Vesh after all but something much more solid. All he can see is her eyes, deep black and curious and kinder in their desire than he had ever known hunger to be. She nods to Vax, raises her hand, and Kash can feel Vex's soul moving closer, as if the figure is pulling it forth.

Pain flares in his scars along with the divine energy now, and he grits his teeth against a cry. "Almost," he says, and his hands tremble as he tries to will her closer, closer to the light. "One more of you — Keyleth?"

"I'm here." When had she knelt down next to him? He can feel her hand on his wrist, steadying his grip on his holy symbol as she reaches for Vex with her other hand, taking a moment to gather her thoughts. Zahra's still crying, the figure on the alter is still watching, and Kash just wants this to be over.

"Vex," Keyleth starts, and he's so proud of her for stepping up here. She trails her fingers up and down Vex's arms, druidcraft flowers blooming in their wake, and the colours catching the light are a shock.

The light. It's pushing back against his now, separating and flowing around their small huddle on the floor, and Kash feels Her presence before he feels the crack of her chain like an ice-cold spear splitting him open.

The figure on the alter whips around, her attention caught before anyone else's. Vax is next, crying out as she turns. "We had a deal!"

She doesn't respond, just raises her arms, as if that would stop Vesh. Kash doubles over in pain, but the ritual is holding. It can only be completed now, not broken. He can hear Vesh's familiar laughter as another woman begins to form on the alter, pushing the first one's arms away as if they are so much mist.

"NO!" Keyleth's voice cracks through the chamber with the force of the strongest storm behind it, her cape flying into his face as wind rises. "No. You're just a god. You talk to me."

"Kash, Kash, Kash," Zahra pleads, but Vesh's laughter rises around him. I will be light. I will be light.

And something snaps.

Kash opens his eyes and Vex is breathing.

Keyleth opens her eyes and she is not there.

Kashaw Vesh does not talk to his god, but she has plenty of things to say to him.

*

He ushers Keyleth away from the others as Vex struggles to sit up in the circle of Vax and Zahra's arms as the rest of her friends crowd around. Keyleth's eyes are flickering hazel and black as she struggles with Vesh, and though she's strong — gods does Kash know she is ever strong — it is still Vesh, and everything that's happened in the past two minutes has been an invitation.

"She wants to talk to you," Keyleth whispers as he tries to settle her on the floor. "I'm sorry ... stupid. I told her—"

Kash squeezes her hands. "Yeah, it kinda was. But I started it." He's amazed at how steady his voice is.

"Life's not... stupid..." she chokes out, and then her head is flung back against the stone with a crack before Kash can steady her, and when she meets his gaze again her eyes are black swirled through with void.

*

Keyleth has been charmed before, has been possessed by spirits and made to attack her friends. None of it compares to this, to Vesh's sly laughter curling around her soul like the tendrils of mist that lifted her body from the highest cliffs of Zephra.

He told you my name, She says, and Keyleth drowns in the voice, lungs working uselessly against liquid consonants. And still you don't believe.

It's not about belief, Keyleth wants to say, or maybe, it's not only about belief. She has never needed to name the winds that carried her or the soil that fed her, never needed to work for faith in something so neverending. Never needed to in order to acknowledge that they cared in a way her friends' purposeful gods did not.

Clever girl. Warmth and chimes, like Vesh is running Her fingers through her hair. Keyleth can't feel her body but she knows she is held. Surely you don't think I only took from my dear husband?

She's seen Vesh's gift, Kash's scarred arms weeping black flame as he called on her divine magic to hurt or to heal. But she's felt that magic settle over her own skin, healing wounds and awakening unconscious-tired blood, and she remembers it did not feel so different from the light of Sarenrae that Pike carries in her armour.

A rush like a sigh, emptiness creeping back in. My name, child. Keyleth had never known a god could sound so disappointed and so delighted all at once. And now he's passed it on to you as well. An interesting choice.

Kash's choice, not one of the ones Vesh had stolen. Keyleth can hear her own voice, distant and hollow as if it were miles underwater, but she cannot move her lips.

We do what we must to survive. Vesh is closer again. He keeps My name and My darkness, I give him the magic he needs to be My light.

How unfair to Kash, she thinks, to believe he could only be good because of Vesh's torture. Selfish, she would say, because Kash brought Vex back without asking questions.

You think you have more claim to him than I?

Kash is his own, Kash is in all things light and in all things what Keyleth has sworn to fight for.

Child. Keyleth hadn't been aware until now that she can't breath, Vesh heavy in her lungs. You need not fight me for him. I had you both as soon as you knew my name.

Keyleth reaches out, and out, and out, and finds only Kashaw's hand.

*

"Hello, husband."

He hasn't heard Her voice in over a decade, and still the familiarity resonates in his bones

"Vesh," he says tightly. Across the chamber, Z and her girlfriend's band of idiots have gone back to the coffin that started this whole mess in the first place, but he doesn't have much time until they start looking for him and Keyleth.

Vesh.

Keyleth.

Fuck.

"Death is creation, husband," She says, the words too calm and self-assured to ever come from Keyleth's mouth. "Why do you deny me the half-elf's?"

How many deaths has he ceded to her, how many bodies has he turned away from, counting down the seconds until he knew his Revivify would fail so he could truthfully say there was nothing he could do, just so he wouldn't run the risk of setting Her free? "Vex wasn't for you," he says, and he's trying to convince himself as much as Vesh. "I can't be Your light if you never let me do my fucking job."

Vesh chuckles with something that might have been pride, and Kash flinches and tightens his grip on Keyleth's hands as if he could squeeze Vesh out of her body by sheer force of will. Irritating as she was, she didn't deserve this. No one did.

"Kash, brother, are you alright?" Zahra calls.

He doesn't trust Vesh enough to look away from Her. "Obviously not," he replies, in the tone he's always used to mean yes, Z, go bother someone else.

He's not entirely sure she believes him, but Vesh smiles in approval. "My beloved with a mind of his own, at last," She says, easily slipping Keyleth's hands from his and reaching up to cup his face.

"It was always mine," Kash snaps. "Say what you want and let her go or ..." What does he have to threaten her with, other than the silence that she has already endured?

"I'm not sure it was, though I never wanted to take it from you," She says thoughtfully. "No matter. I know what's changed. This one could be good for you."

It doesn't sound as much like a threat as it could have, and this more than anything sends dread shivering down Kash's spine. "Let her go," he repeats, and his voice is not as steady as he would like. "You've talked. I've talked. That's it."

Vesh is still smiling, Her grin horribly out of place stretching across Keyleth's mouth. "Oh, but she asked for me, darling. To protect you, and the one you denied Me. She understands the storm better than you ... but yes, perhaps it is time for me to take my leave."

"Better..." But She is already fading, colour returning to Keyleth's eyes as her body convulses against the stone, and he returns to healing mode by instinct. "Hey, hey, are you okay?"

Keyleth sighs, looking at him as if seeing him for the first time. "Yeah, uh ... your wife is ... something else." She laughs weakly, and Kash smiles for the first time in what feels like months.

"Yeah, that would be why I don't usually do this." Keyleth's hands are still on his face, and he kind of feels like he should say something about that. He doesn't.

"Why did you, then?"

He's not sure there's a good answer to that. "I believe in life," he says slowly. "And Z — I have a sister now. And ..." Kash sighs, and doesn't quite meet her eyes. "I knew you wanted me to."

"Oh," she says, and he thinks maybe she's smiling as one hand drifts down to rest against his heart. "It was the right thing to do. I think even She knows that."

"Don't — don't bring her up again, please." He looks up in time to see her brow furrow in concern.

"We have to, though."

She's right, of course, because she is Keyleth and she has to spend at least half their time together annoying the hell out of him, and the fact that he might love her a little for it and his wife doesn't mind is ... something else. "Can we maybe get out of this tomb without another one of your asshole friends dying, first?"

Keyleth smiles, struggles to her feet and reaches out a hand to pull him up too. "Yeah. No more dying. Sounds good."

Good is one word for it, he thinks, as they walk back to the rest of Vox Machina, hands not quite clasped. But Vesh's delight crawls across his scars, and he wonders.